How Forced Separation Affects Marriages

Cassandra and Nat are often separated in The Rock Star’s Wife series.  After all, it comes with the territory when one spouse is in the music industry.  Forced separation can happen in other instances as well – because of military deployment, incarceration and deportation, for example – but no matter the cause, forced separation affects marriages.

Physical Side Effects

Lisa Diamond, a researcher at the University of Utah, studied the effects of separation on adult relationships and the well-being of the couples.  The results were published in Current Opinion in Psychology’s February 2019 edition.

Diamond noted that couples regulate each other’s appetite, body temperature, hormones, sleep cycles, and other biological and psychological systems and that separation causes a stress response.  Separation can even be harmful for one’s health.

Research, however, also has shown that couples in long-distance relationships still can experience intimacy and relationship satisfaction if they are secure in their relationships, feel a sense of connection, keep in communication, and have high functioning relationships.

“Previous findings support the view that the physical presence of other people is important for forming attachment bonds; but once these bonds are established, other types of representations [text, email, video chatting] might suffice for keeping these connections alive,” Psychology Today explains.

Maybe that explains how Cassie and Nat keep their marriage healthy despite their lengthy separations.

Types of Separations

“Regardless of why family members may be separated, the mental health effects cannot be overstated, especially for children, who are often not responsible for the situation that they face,” Very Well says.

The website examined some of the common reasons for forced separation.

Refugees:  People in resettlement situations often experience anxiety, depression, feelings of powerlessness, worry about family members, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Military Families:  Families in military situations experience uncertainty, relocation stress, and the child taking on the role of parent.

Incarceration:  Children with a parent in prison are at risk for poor mental health outcomes and socioeconomic stress.

Psychological Effects

“When you have a major withdrawal of resources in a relationship resulting from a forced separation, it can affect trust and commitment,” Dr. Donna Baptiste of Northwestern University said. “A weakening of trust, commitment, and passion combined with anxiety, clinginess, and fear of the relationship not surviving creates a toxic mix, and some couples do not survive.”

Baptiste pointed out four ways that couples are affected when separated:

1. A loss of physical closeness
2. A loss of joint activities
3. A loss of sexual relations
4. Everyday conversations and routines became interrupted

Children also can experience emotional effects when separated.  These include anger and aggression, anxiety, depression, heightened sense of fear, isolation, problems eating and sleeping, and withdrawal.

Families like the Hardwicks must work hard at maintaining their bonds despite frequent separations.

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Have you every had a forced separation in your marriage?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

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Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Book four, Rock Star Mom, debuts August 2024:  She fell in love with a rock star.  Now comes the hard part.

Cassandra needs your help getting her story out.  Join the street team to help.