The Science Behind Falling In Love
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about lust at first sight? For Cassie and Nat in Rock Star Romance, they experience both – Nat leaning toward experiencing more admiration and Cassie experiencing more lust. Cassie and Corey in Mr. Right is a Myth share a similar, although less intense, experience. So what dictates how we feel about potential romantic partners? Let’s examine the science behind falling in love.
It’s All About Hormones
When we find someone attractive, the brain releases hormones that produce a physical affect.
Our need to reproduce, continuing the human race, causes a lust response. The brain releases hormones from the sex organs. Everyone produces testosterone, not just men, and it controls our sex drives.
It is possible to feel attraction without lust. Attraction is fueled by dopamine and norepinephrine. These control mood and are responsible for the upbeat and happy emotions people experience while falling in love as well as a decreased appetite and sleeplessness. At the same time, levels of serotonin, a mood stabilizer, drop.
Dopamine is the reward hormone. It makes us desire more of what makes us feel good, such as sex, but it also can cause people to give in to destructive impulses that also give a high such as overeating or drugs.
Two more hormones, oxytocin and vasopression, cause a feeling of attachment. This feeling also happens among close family members and friends.
Ever notice how love makes people act strangely or act stupid in certain situations? Well, that’s hormones, too, switching off certain areas of the brain in favor of falling in love.
Where Do We Go From Here?
We learn how relationships (both romantic and platonic) work from our parents, which no doubt explains generational patterns of abuse, among other things. Our parents teach us whether relationships are worth having and what to expect from them.
What happens in a romantic relationship once the falling in love stage ends varies based on the people involved.
“Some might fear the possibility of rejection, which overrides their enjoyment of falling in love,” Psychology Today explains. “Where the relationship goes from here becomes increasingly complicated. Others may be scared about committing to the relationship, or be overly needy and clingy — and, as a result, drive their lover away. Some may dive in, secure in their hopes that this might be the relationship that lasts.”
The Falling in Love Stage Ends
After six to 18 months, hormones return to normal. During this period, couples begin to notice their partners aren’t perfect. They may have their first argument.
“For some, the weight of these disagreements will overwhelm the goodwill in the relationship and one or both will conclude that they are not intended for each other,” Smart Living says. “For others, these setbacks become part of the learning curve as we discover how to love, forgive, reinvest and ultimately thrive together.”
For those who stay committed, the deeper love that follows has its perks. In addition to a feeling of security and solidarity, researchers have learned that romantic partners’ breathing aligns and their heart rhythms synchronize. They also show fewer signs of stress when enduring physical hardships.
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Does the science behind falling in love take all the romance out of it? Leave a comment below. Comments close after 90 days.
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Here’s the 4-1-1
This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll. The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences. The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.
Book three, Rock Star Romance, debuts February 2024: Cassandra swore off men to recover from an amicable, but heart wrenching, breakup. Nathaniel endured a nasty, gut wrenching breakup and hasn’t dated since. When they meet, sparks ignite. Will they mend each other’s broken hearts?
Cassandra needs your help getting her story out. Join the street team to help.
Melina Druga
Melina Druga is a multi-genre author with a lifelong love of music, books and writing. She is the author of the Rock Star's Wife series, six historical fiction novels and nine nonfiction books. Based in the Midwest, Druga lives with her husband, daughter, black cat and CD collection.
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