The Science Behind High Sex Drives

For Cassandra, the main character in The Rock Star’s Wife series, one of the chief characteristics that makes her her is her high sex drive.  As a teenager and young adult, it defines her dating relationships and is a marker for whether a boyfriend is a good match or not.  But did Cassie really need to worry?  Let’s look at the science behind high sex drives.

Someone out there will accept me for me, high sex drive and all, right?  ‒ Dear Diary, Mr. Right is a Myth

Libido, the scientific word for sex drive, is influenced by hormones, age and physical health as well as things like the quality of a person’s relationship and whether or not they are going through a stressful period.  What’s normal varies from person to person.

The more a person engages in sex or masturbation, the more he or she will desire sexual activity.

Are Men and Women Equal?

My high sex drive doesn’t make me easy, so I don’t tell guys about it until it becomes necessary.  – Chapter 21, Mr. Right is a Myth

In Sexual Awakening, Cassie’s mother tells her that men have substantially higher sex drives than women, prompting Cassie to wonder why she’s abnormal.  But is that true?  Do men really have higher sex drives than women?

Both sexes experience their first sexual desires during puberty.  For men, their sex drive begins to drop in their late 30s or 40s as testosterone levels decreases.  Women have a spike in sexual desire around ovulation.  This is because this is the fertile time in their cycles.

Research is proving notions like women need wooed to be turned on and men think about sex constantly are stereotypes.  Studies have shown people respond to sexual questions differently when they know others will read their responses.

“Our social norms and the ways we’re raised to either lean into our sexuality or repress it have a huge impact on how we experience our sexuality and how we report it in studies,” Dr. Sarah Hunter Murray, a marriage and family therapist, says. “People raised as men in our society have been typically given more permission to speak openly about wanting sex, while young women have often been told not to express their sexuality.”

Are High Sex Drives Normal?

Is there such a thing as too high a sex drive?  According to medical experts, high sex drives are normal unless they are part of a condition called sexual compulsion.  People who suffer from sexual compulsion engage in destructive sexual activity such as risky sexual behaviors, secretive sexual behaviors, and have a dependency on sex.  They also have an inability to establish healthy relationships, a desire to quit sexual activities but an inability to do so, and impaired mental health.  The sexual activity interferes with their ability to live their day-to-day lives.

The condition can be treated with therapy, engaging in other physical activity such as exercise, and medication.

Society’s and an individual’s expectations can sometimes make people think their sex drive is abnormal when it is not.

“When someone with a high sex drive is partnered with someone with low libido, they may be shamed by their partner for wanting “too much” sex when, in reality, both partners may have normal levels of desire and are dealing with a sexual desire discrepancy (i.e., a relationship issue),” Psychology Today explains.

The problem is perception, the website says, not the individuals’ libidos.

When Sex Drives Differ

Sex drives aren’t considered low unless they affect people’s mental health.  Low sex drives can be caused by numerous factors including medical conditions, a history of sexual assault or abuse, and past negative sexual experiences.  Like with sexual compulsion, it can be treated with therapy and medication as well as lifestyle changes.

What happens when partners in a relationship have different sex drives?  Couples with different sex drive levels is a situation called sex drive discrepancy.

“Partners with high sex drives who repeatedly experience rejection may develop low self-esteem and resentment toward their partners, while the people with low sex drives may feel guilty, overwhelmed, and pressured,” Medical News Today says.

Couples can cope by discussing the situation, being empathetic and making compromises.  They also can plan sex, engage in activities such as mutual masturbation, engage in foreplay, and speak to a therapist.

Researchers have been unable to find a connection to infidelity based on high sex drive alone, although those with both a high sex drive and low impulse control did have slightly higher rates of cheating.  Researchers caution that sex drive, or even lack of self control, are not precursors alone of infidelity.  The quality of the relationship is the number one factor.

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Have you ever wondered why some people have high sex drives?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

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Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Book three, Rock Star Romance, debuts February 2024:  Cassandra swore off men to recover from an amicable, but heart wrenching, breakup.  Nathaniel endured a nasty, gut wrenching breakup and hasn’t dated since.  When they meet, sparks ignite.   Will they mend each other’s broken hearts?

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